SEVEN DAYS OF CLUB SEX [day four]

ON THE FOURTH DAY OF CLUB SEX MY SWEET TART GAVE TO ME

FOUR TOPLESS GIRLS

THREE FREE FAGS

TWO JAEGER SHOTS

AND ELECTRO AND A FITTY

EAST EAST EAST! – CLUB COOL/NUKE/93 FEET EAST 

 

If you’re out and about on a Saturday night I would very much recommend taking a trip to East London to see what’s on offer. Hackney, Dalston and Shoreditch are the places to be right now, housing some of the best underground events around. Expect to be queuing up outside places like snooker halls, car parks and strip clubs along with clubgoers donning vibrantly colourful, creative and outrageous outfits. Dress code? Think fabulous – and LOUD. Anything goes: got an old Thomas the Tank jumper? Great! Umbrella hat? Why not? Maggie Thatcher mask, pet budgie and peephole bra? Fantastic.

At the moment, the best nights are without doubt Club Cool and Nuke ‘Em All!, which take place respectively about twice a month [find them on Facebook – venues are often kept secret until the last minute so it’s the easiest way to stay in the know]. Music usually takes the form of the dirtiest, filthiest digital sounds speakers can crank out without bursting into flames, and typical features include audio-visual installations, wrestlers and girls wearing nothing but duct tape. Events can go on till 6am, so take a deep breath, slap on the X-Ray specs and go mad. 

photos by Gabriel Love

SEVEN DAYS OF CLUB SEX [day three]

ON THE THIRD DAY OF CLUB SEX MY SWEET TART GAVE TO ME


THREE FREE FAGS
TWO JAEGER SHOTS
AND ELECTRO AND A FITTY

BANGERS AND MASH

Another decadent venue, Soho’s Punk is worth a visit for the setting alone; mirrored walls, holograms and velvet-covered chaise lounges all set the scene for a lavish night on the lash. Inspired by the art, music and fashion scenes of Camden and Shoreditch, Bangers and Mash pulls in indie rockers, electroheads and music lovers of all types to one of the most cutting-edge nights London has to offer. Sounds are hugely varied, covering Rock ‘n’ Roll, Nu Wave, Motown, Orgasmopop [you get the idea] with some truly sexy bands and DJs. Mystery Jets, Babyshambles and Filthy Dukes have all played here, along with the resident DJ collective known as Team Disgusting [that’s right – Noel Fielding’s lot!]. Punk also pulls in the shiny celebrity types, including Pixie Geldof, Serg of Kasabian-fame and Henry Holland. If all that that isn’t enough for you, there are plenty of other shiny diverting features to keep you busy – dress up, face painting or tarting around in the video booth anyone?

The only downside is the price – living in Soho as it does, Bangers and Mash isn’t cheap. Make sure you find them on Facebook to get on the reduced £8 cheap list [it’s £10 otherwise]. If you want to save a few more pennies I’d advise popping in to The Fly bar for a sneaky couple beforehand, it’s only round the corner.

BANGERS AND MASH

8pm – 3am

Punk, Soho Street, London, W1D 3DN

SEVEN DAYS OF CLUB SEX [day two]

ON THE SECOND DAY OF CLUB SEX MY SWEET TART GAVE TO ME


TWO JAEGER SHOTS
AND ELECTRO AND A FITTY

WHITE HEAT

Madame Jojo’s small but luxurious venue is the setting for White Heat, Tuesday’s favourite. Get down there early to see the three standard live acts, which have included the likes of Three Trapped Tigers, White Rose Movement and Bloc Party, to name but a very few. At about half ten the resident DJs start, spinning out exceedingly good electro sparkle [definitely up to the Mr. Kipling standard] to jam the dance floor with well-dressed mess-heads. Being in the West End, the drinks aren’t dirt-cheap but there are some deals, with bottles of Stella for £2.50 and vodka/mixer for just £2. Bring your NUS card for reduced entry!

For an extra treat, pop into Soho’s Pizza Express beforehand for a cheeky helping of dough balls and live jazz.

WHITE HEAT

8pm – 3am

Madame Jojo’s, 10 Brewer Street, London W1F 0SE

SEVEN DAYS OF CLUB SEX

Christmas is here. Fun. Frivolity. Some sort of over-cooked poultry. I LOVE IT.

In tribute to the season, I'm going to be posting the Seven Days of Club Sex [originally 'An Inconclusive Guide to Nightlife in London', to be published in January's Junction 13 magazine]. The article was geared towards students, so it focuses mostly on cheap nights out. 

Enjoyyyy...


ON THE FIRST DAY OF CLUB SEX MY SWEET TART GAVE TO ME:

ELECTRO AND A FITTY

BITE

This club night has recently seen a slick new upgrade, moving from Soho’s Punk to a bigger, sexier venue in the form of The Den in Holborn. It’s a great event: cheap, fun and frantic, with a complementary round of beautiful people on the side. The dress code generally sees casual but stylish - this is not the place for Ugg boots – and a good haircut never goes amiss. On the other hand, if you fancy looking a bit creative, Bite has a different theme every week, such as ‘Clip Art’, ‘Wolf’ and ‘Cheap Date’. Music ranges from indie to dubstep to electro… if it’s good, it’ll get played. Get your rocks off and your dancing shoes on.

One of the best bits about Bite is the price. IT’S CHEAP! If you sign up to their mailing list [see www.bitebitebite.co.uk] you can get in for free, or for £3 with NUS. Before 11pm tequila shots are only £1.50, with beer and glasses of wine for 2-4-1 [£1 each], and just £2 after 11pm. Clubbing on a Monday has never been so appealing…

BITE

10pm-3am

The Den, 18 West Central Street, Holborn, London, WC1A 1JJ

Photos by Wade Fletcher

TONIGHT'S SHOW

...will be good. LISTEN

7 - 8:30pm

www.insanityradio.com

[if you're a MAC user download the very small, very free VLC player online first]

As always, I'll be providing an all-out indie/electro sexfest to get your little feet moving ready for your Saturday night out. Watch out for the likes of Ou Est Le Swimming Pool, Boys Noize and Heartsrevolution - and remixes, remixes remixes.

Here's a little taster to get you wet - it's The Toxic Avenger's latest single, 'Toxic Is Dead', taken from their 2009 album, Scion CD Sampler Vol.26: The Toxic Avenger.



The party starts at 7, don't be late! I'll be tarting myself up right along with you, because tonight I'm going to be sampling the delights of a new club in Holborn, Batteries Not Included. Pictures and reviews to come!


TUNE IN AND FALL IN LOVE

That is all.

Like the look of this? GET IN TOUCH

1 glittery freelance writer available for hire. Good for reviews, interviews and hardcore drinking.

If interested, contact on 07950 342 495 or email char.mess.your.hair.up@hotmail.com

Remember Remember the Fifth of November…the night Pete came out to play…

[photos by Gabriel Love]

If live music, ornamental stag-heads and more glitter and love than My Little Pony at an orgy sounds like your idea of a good night out, then Smash and Grab might well be your brand new vintage bag, baby. Taking place at Camden’s illustrious Proud Galleries every Thursday night, the event sees some of the most exciting acts around at the moment, as well as a good double-handful of North London’s upcoming celebrities and sexiest clubgoers.

At Smash and Grab this Bonfire eve there were fireworks inside and out as Babyshambles graced the stage for a one-off secret gig. What a band. What a night. What a mess.
Once word was out that the group was on their way a swarm of trilby-doffing indie kids descended on the Galleries. The heat and excitement built fast, and within minutes there wasn’t even enough room to swing a fringe. Just when it seemed that the tension would be too much [to keep a drink steady, at least] – there he was. Stepping out into a romantic pink spotlight, Mr. Pete himself, with a firecracker in his hat and his heart on his sleeve. Cue rapture.

Without any need for further ado Babyshambles ripped into a fantastic set, which included several shiny new gems from the upcoming album amongst the old favourites. Song of the night? Impossible! There had to be two: a special cover of ‘Billie Jean’, and satirical newbie, ‘The BNP Blues’ both went down to frantic approval, with pointy shoes kicking up love every which way. When ‘Killamangiro’ starts up the dusty spotlights, together with every twang of those oh-so-familiar chords draw us irresistibly back to past summers by Camden Lock, where everyone has a cider, a Union-jack tee and a don’t-give-a-fuck grin. Magic.

“Got a fag for the band?” Pete asks, causing the crowd to almost kill each other in their enthusiasm to oblige. It wasn’t just skinny cigarettes that were flying; Proud was shaken to its very foundations as fans swarmed the stage. Blood, sweat and screams overload the senses as everybody tried to cop a feel of their idol…it must have sounded like an abattoir from outside.
Ending on the iconic ‘Fuck Forever’, Babyshambles take their leave. I ask a wine-stained, blissed-out fan to sum up the night. He replies simply, “Euphoric”, and then stumbles off to collapse somewhere quiet.

Peeking into the venue’s many stables, black lace, tailored jackets and hair that looked nothing short of being ripped off a Pantene model’s head could be seen every which way. Smokers lounging in deckchairs outside were the very picture of indolence, despite the November cold and the occasional fag ash in drinks. If the clubbing standards of drinking and dancing weren’t enough, Smash and Grab also provides several unique features to divert and amuse, such as the Board of Love [where else could you profess your undying affections for ‘that fit blonde what I saw at the bar’?], the Incredible Dress-Up Box [because your look just isn’t complete without a novelty plastic bowler hat] and the Tranny-Formation Booth [go on…you know you want to].

All in all, Smash and Grab is the obvious place to go on a Thursday night, unless you have something against stripper poles, vodka doubles and enough shiny tunes to keep feet moving in silly ways until well after closing time. And if you do…well. I hear you can play Monopoly on the Wii now.

Smash and Grab
Proud Camden
Horse Hospital
Stables Market
Chalk Farm Road
NW1 SAH

Every Thursday night 7:30pm – 2am

Dead Kids

This band is the best thing to come out of the East End since Peggy Mitchell's tits. Amazing live, watch this space for an upcoming interview...

Yes. Yes. Yes.

This woman can do no wrong.

Buy me stuff.

Here are some ideas to get you started.

Ten Little Chunks of Happiness

I submitted this for the Orbital's 'Soundtrack Feature' but I thought I may as well put it on here too. DOWNLOAD THEM ALL NOW if you want to look cool.

‘Forced (Foamo Remix)’ - Cagedbaby

Mixing melodic with mash-up, Foamo’s remix has created an electro epic. Guaranteed to get you throwing shapes to put a Transformer to shame.

‘Ultraviolence (Vitalix Remix)’ – Heartsrevolution

Like Calpol spilled over a Mac computer. This track’s synthpop sounds and blissed-out neon beats are impossible to resist.

‘How Y’all Like Me Now’ – Machines Don’t Care

An all-out electronic war on the eardrums, this track will beat you up, steal your wallet and have you up against the wall – give up, this is one you can’t win.

‘Kilometer (Aeroplane Remix)’ – Sebastian Tellier

Orgasmo-pop at its finest, this sexy little number is definitely one to try out on that fittie you met at the Union. Well, you never know.

‘Dance The Way I Feel (Dynamikk Remix)’ – Ou Est Le Swimming Pool

An excellent electro upgrade for one of North London’s most exciting new bands. You’ll fall in love as soon as you hit ‘play’.

‘Half In Love With Elizabeth (Disco Mix)’ – Mystery Jets

A shiny, shimmery take on the original, complete with a twist of funk. Nice to space out to.

‘Mars’ – Fake Blood

A tricky single. Fake Blood combine slightly irritating distortion (sounding like android cows giving birth) with a filthy electro undercurrent. Worth a go if you’re feeling open-minded.

‘My People (Mouse on Mars Acid Pretzels Remix)’ – The Presets

As the name suggests, a truly mad but undeniably fun remix of one of the Presets’ finest.

‘Paparazzi (Filthy Dukes Remix)’ – Lady Gaga

Adding some electro love to this guilty pleasure? Fantastic – you don’t have to hide it at the back of your iPod anymore!

‘Warrior’s Dance (South Central Remix)’ – The Prodigy

South Central’s trademark take-no-prisoner’s bite adds a dark edge to this club hit. Definitely not one for the faint-hearted.

Douche Actors, Je T'aime

Three of the greatest men you are never going to meet. I hope they can change your life in the same way that they have changed mine.

God speed, gentlemen.

Starting off the Superficial...

...with a hint as to what my Hallowe'en costume is going to be.




alright, perhaps it's more of a clue.



penis not included.










And, not at all predictably, this week's show will feature Hallowe'en-esque songs among the usual electro explosion...suggestions welcome!
Tune in Saturday 7-9pm www.insanityradio.com

OR, if you're crap, you can always come along to this afterwards and redeem yourself:



















yes x