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ON THE FOURTH DAY OF CLUB SEX MY SWEET TART GAVE TO ME
FOUR TOPLESS GIRLS
THREE FREE FAGS
TWO JAEGER SHOTS
AND ELECTRO AND A FITTY
EAST EAST EAST! – CLUB COOL/NUKE/93 FEET EAST
If you’re out and about on a Saturday night I would very much recommend taking a trip to East London to see what’s on offer. Hackney, Dalston and Shoreditch are the places to be right now, housing some of the best underground events around. Expect to be queuing up outside places like snooker halls, car parks and strip clubs along with clubgoers donning vibrantly colourful, creative and outrageous outfits. Dress code? Think fabulous – and LOUD. Anything goes: got an old Thomas the Tank jumper? Great! Umbrella hat? Why not? Maggie Thatcher mask, pet budgie and peephole bra? Fantastic.
At the moment, the best nights are without doubt Club Cool and Nuke ‘Em All!, which take place respectively about twice a month [find them on Facebook – venues are often kept secret until the last minute so it’s the easiest way to stay in the know]. Music usually takes the form of the dirtiest, filthiest digital sounds speakers can crank out without bursting into flames, and typical features include audio-visual installations, wrestlers and girls wearing nothing but duct tape. Events can go on till 6am, so take a deep breath, slap on the X-Ray specs and go mad.
ON THE THIRD DAY OF CLUB SEX MY SWEET TART GAVE TO ME
THREE FREE FAGS TWO JAEGER SHOTS AND ELECTRO AND A FITTY
BANGERS AND MASH
Another decadent venue, Soho’s Punk is worth a visit for the setting alone; mirrored walls, holograms and velvet-covered chaise lounges all set the scene for a lavish night on the lash. Inspired by the art, music and fashion scenes of Camden and Shoreditch, Bangers and Mash pulls in indie rockers, electroheads and music lovers of all types to one of the most cutting-edge nights London has to offer. Sounds are hugely varied, covering Rock ‘n’ Roll, Nu Wave, Motown, Orgasmopop [you get the idea] with some truly sexy bands and DJs. Mystery Jets, Babyshambles and Filthy Dukes have all played here, along with the resident DJ collective known as Team Disgusting [that’s right – Noel Fielding’s lot!]. Punk also pulls in the shiny celebrity types, including Pixie Geldof, Serg of Kasabian-fame and Henry Holland. If all that that isn’t enough for you, there are plenty of other shiny diverting features to keep you busy – dress up, face painting or tarting around in the video booth anyone?
The only downside is the price – living in Soho as it does, Bangers and Mash isn’t cheap. Make sure you find them on Facebook to get on the reduced £8 cheap list [it’s £10 otherwise]. If you want to save a few more pennies I’d advise popping in to The Fly bar for a sneaky couple beforehand, it’s only round the corner.
ON THE SECOND DAY OF CLUB SEX MY SWEET TART GAVE TO ME
TWO JAEGER SHOTS AND ELECTRO AND A FITTY
Madame Jojo’s small but luxurious venue is the setting for White Heat, Tuesday’s favourite. Get down there early to see the three standard live acts, which have included the likes of Three Trapped Tigers, White Rose Movement and Bloc Party, to name but a very few. At about half ten the resident DJs start, spinning out exceedingly good electro sparkle [definitely up to the Mr. Kipling standard] to jam the dance floor with well-dressed mess-heads. Being in the West End, the drinks aren’t dirt-cheap but there are some deals, with bottles of Stella for £2.50 and vodka/mixer for just £2. Bring your NUS card for reduced entry!
For an extra treat, pop into Soho’s Pizza Express beforehand for a cheeky helping of dough balls and live jazz.